For instance: I fly to Jacksonville weekly now. As you may already know, Jacksonville is definitely more Deep South-y than Gainesville, which means (among other things, like grits in the cafeteria) plenty of men awkwardly scooting behind me and wresting the door from my grip instead of just walking through like a polite human being.
Just today, on my flight home, a fellow passenger grabbed my suitcase and went to stow it overhead for me. Slightly irked that he did so without asking, and, at the end of my weekly trip, very tired of people carrying my stuff for me, I kept my grip and said, "no, that's all right." You guys. He ignored me and kept pulling on my suitcase. In what world is this ok?
After a, "DUDE, I've got it," he finally let go, making a big show about how unreasonable I was being. See, this is why I hate chivalry: it's often just a facade for rampant assholery. Maybe he got a kick out of playing the role, maybe it was some sort of "Gift of Fear"-type boundary-testing. What it wasn't was being considerate of others, since the other in this case was clearly resisting.
When you think about it, chivalry basically consists of a bunch of one-way favors. The exchange of favors builds good-will and social ties and all that good stuff; I suspect a cultural standard of men doing these favors for women, but not vice versa, arises from the desire to build a sense of gratitude -- and, I don't know, maybe feeling beholden? -- to men on the part of women. That's not nice; that's actually kind of evil.
And it's not like I'm saying you can't hold a door for anyone, dudes. But if you're making a big show of it (or trying to yank someone's stuff out of their hands), I bet your motivations are suspect. That's all.
No comments:
Post a Comment